Remembering Tom Mosmiller - a Most Amazing Man!
I’m greatly saddened, having heard this afternoon of the death of my friend and ally Tom Mosmiller.
My last visit with Tom - on his balcony - Fall, 2024I can’t
really say that I knew Tom well! He
showed me some pictures of me being on a panel at the 1983 – Ann Arbor – Men and
Masculinity Conference of NOMAS, The National Organization of Men Against
Sexism – so obviously we first met working together there.
Probably I
saw Tom at all the NOMAS Conferences I attended. I had last seen Tom in 1993 (San Francisco). I tracked him down in 2022, after returning
to the East Bay Area. He invited me to lunch
at his Oakland condo four or five times thereafter.
Each time we
got together, I felt like we were both getting a little closer together through our memories of past Men’s
Movement work. I was also learning much
more of Tom’s amazing life journey.
Sadly, I was also learning of his lung condition which he
bravely accepted.
Outwards – a
Queer History – May 11, 2017 interview:
https://theoutwordsarchive.org/interview/mosmiller-tom/
- provides a great synopsis of times achievements. I’ll note some of them below:
1. Born – September 19, 1947 – Baltimore
– grew up in what I would call a “very Catholic” world,
2. Left the Jesuit Seminary – after his
world view changed through going to a community organizing training in Chicago
in 1970,
3. Fell in love with a woman – who introduced
him to feminism (she may have been the one he told me was “the love of my life”)
– and in 1976 moved to San Francisco,
From the Interview noted above:
Tom took a job with the San Francisco Department of Public
Health, coordinating one of the country’s first anonymous HIV antibody testing
programs. From there, Tom moved over to San Francisco General Hospital, where
he established an HIV counseling and testing program and secured funds for
treating HIV+ substance abuse patients. In the late ‘90s, Tom turned his
attention to issues of housing and homelessness in the minority HIV community.
He served as coordinator for Alameda County’s Housing Opportunities for People
With AIDS, and as a contract manager in Alameda County’s Office of AIDS
Administration.
Tom was involved in a lot, lot more than this amazing work!
He had strong ties with M (later on Changing Men) Magazine and its editors Michael Biernbaum and Rick Cote. He was among the core leadership of what became NOMAS (The National Organization of Changing Men).
Tom was definitely either a founder of what became known as: NOMAS – The National Organization of Men Against Sexism – or a very early leader of it (its first national conference was in 1975). He remained at the core of its leadership into the 1990's.
Tom didn't shy away from speaking his mind. He could speak calmly, but with passion about his feelings. He was hurt being pushed out of his leadership with NOMAS.
He spent a lot of time working with Michael Kimmel on the classic Against the Tide... . He was clear about how he had significant resentment of his co-author by the time they finished the book.
He was a leader/founder of the
CAMP Caucus (California Anti-Sexist Men’s Political Caucus) with its twice
yearly men’s gatherings (one “men only” and one open to all/generally one in a
children’s camp near Saratoga (Northern) and one proximit to the L.A.
Area). He strongly (mostly) women’s
work seeking to end domestic violence.
As the interview noted Tom was “bi”, not “gay” – and faced much ridicule
in the gay community, as well as (no doubt) homophobia. He saw the intersections between so much of “the
work” quite early on. I’m obviously
omitting things that Tom diligently worked on.
A healthier Tom - from The Outwards Archive
Tom lived in the present, while sharing memories of his
past. It was greatly discouraging to
him when he required oxygen 24/7. He
was still driving his Prius, with his portable machine. He told me of how he had two or three good
hours, then needed down time for several hours, then a few more good
hours. Lunchtime – was when we were
together, because he was fully awake, and not worn down by doing what he could
still do.
Tom tried to get his affairs in order in various ways. He married a young man in 2024, helping the
man in ways important to both of them.
He gave me copies of his archival materials and then personal books and
other personal (men’s movement related) materials that he’d not donated to the
archive at Michigan State University –
https://findingaids.lib.msu.edu/repositories/4/resources/6407
.
I had hoped to interview Tom for VoiceMale Magazine –
https://voicemalemagazine.org/ - which obviously
touched Tom. It became clear, that I’d
come to him too late, for the limited energy that Tom had.
I’m very sad – at hearing of his death. I said last year after my only sibling
passed away April 22nd, 2024, that I thought Tom’s death would impact
me significantly more. It’s too early
to know, of course.
Tom – others – knew you and loved you far more than I
did. You had a wonderful support
community (you said I wasn’t needed when I asked about joining it).
We have shared a common revulsion to someone who had been
important in Tom’s life, and at one time positively impacted me. In my “getting older” years, I’m trying to
emulate a little of what you did for most of your adult life.
On September 19, 2024 – I wrote a personal writing (quoted
below)
WHITE MEN BEING or I’d Really Like to be With You – BUT I
can’t
https://www.georgemarx.org/2024/09/white-men-being-or-id-really-like-to-be.html
which said in part:
Before going further, I’d like to dedicate this writing to
two very special People:
Esther Armah – an amazing Black Woman …
and: Tom Mosmiller – a white man – who has
“done the work”. During the AIDS epidemic Tom was working finding
necessary housing for those who needed it most. His professional
and personal work over the years centered on areas like domestic violence,
homophobia, and core anti-sexism work with the men, while supporting women and
girls.
It (evidently) was time for you to use your ever lessoning
energy on other things in your life after I last saw you last fall.
Nevertheless I want a quote below:
The Feminist in Cellblock Y
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Jan 18, 2025, 1:13 AM (7 days ago) |
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Hello,
This is 5 or 6 years old but still worthwhile. It was stuck in my draft
folder and I never got around to sending it out.
https://youtu.be/JYxTzsabkH8
And check out the other video mentioned on the link page about how prison
taught feminism
Tom
Note the date of this email I received from Tom (or perhaps
at his direction) – January 18, 2025.
Tom – died January 20, 2025.
This shows how much Tom really cared – reaching out one last
time. I was just leaving my annual
counter-protest in San Francisco- Reproductive Justice – focused – when I got a
text with the most sad news. I got support from someone – I’d just met a few
minutes earlier – their name not remembered!
The news of Tom’s death also included the relevant
information that there’s another bag of materials Tom left for me. I hope that someday – some of the materials
I have been gifted by Tom – will help other fellow privileged white men
learn more of – “our ancestors” – who can help the younger folks learn more
from the older folks. I’d very much
appreciate – “asks” – in this direction – towards me.
January 20, 2025 - Inauguration day 2025 – and “The MLK
holiday day” – when – when when – Tears – Tears – Tears
Tom – I will always cherish knowing you! You’ve been a wonderful inspiration.
George
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