Honoring My Penis
Honoring My
Penis
A Gentle
Serious Faintly “R Rated” Tale
George Marx, – as he
completes this writing December 8, 2024
If you, the
reader, are looking for “dick pics” a la some men – seeking female
companionship, you’ve come to the wrong place.
Sorry!
I will put
forth though, that a little later, when relevant I will reference another
writing of mine, which contains an “almost R” rated picture of me.
I believe
that most of us have personal and/or historical trauma which can get in our way
at significant times, at least. For
some, it can be a major barrier.
My own
growth as a “sexual being” certainly was far, far from a smooth journey. As a child I remember nudity being no big
deal. I saw my mother nude at various
times. At the same time, I certainly
was very confused as a teenager with being a (then) heterosexual teen. Some of this indirectly related to the fact
that at least until the summer after my 17th birthday, I never had
faintly meaningful peer friendships.
I suspect
that my mother (genitally) fondled me when I was quite young, though I can’t
remember anything specific. During my
freshman year in high school, a classmate asked me out to a girl-ask-boy
dance. I was scared, and declined the
invitation, while being “interested in her”.
The following summer, I asked her out, and we had a single date, that
was challenging, to say the least for me.
During my
junior year I had a (freshman) “girlfriend”.
We went out on dates for much of the school year. I held her hand, but never kissed her.
The summer
after my high school graduation, I had a two day (first) “relationship”. My partner was around two years older than
me. “Sex” was basic PIV sex. Each time was very brief. I ejaculated
prematurely. My partner, while probably
more experienced than I was, seemingly lacked positive self-esteem (also).
After I went
away to college, I briefly went out with a fellow first year student. (I learned later on that) She went braless
once with me, because she knew it would please me. I barely noticed! At one point we hugged or were otherwise
physically close (in public) and I ejaculated.
This was most embarrassing!
Many of us –
male gendered people are hung up over our penises and our sexuality in
general! Our penis may be referred to
as our “weapon”. We are often very
concerned with our fears that our penis isn’t “big enough” or as big as other
peers. We lie, pretending that we’re
“experienced” when we’ve never been sexual with another person.
I was 19 ½
years old when I first masturbated.
Around the same time I had my first “positive” sexual experience. It was with a troubled 14 year old girl, who
was far more sexually experienced than I was.
I didn’t have or purchase a condom.
Years later on I was increasingly aware that this was “sexual abuse” if
not “rape”. By that time, I didn’t
remember her name.
How are
“sex” and “Love” related? The billboard
pictured above was most visible next door to our Las Vegas hotel we stayed at
last week. I compressed material from
The Love Store’s website below. In
various movies and tv shows, “sex” is portrayed – as either one individual
(usually male) forcing sexual intercourse upon a resisting other (usually)
female, or it is clearly consensual sexual intercourse, with minimal if
anything else, besides sometimes clothes being taken off the female, and less
frequently the male and the female (I rarely see same gender portrayed sex.).
Until I was
in my 30’s “sex” wasn’t much different from the basic usually “missionary
position” sex I’ve described above. My
first lasting relationship was my first marriage, which lasted over 25 years.
Prior to
meeting my first wife, twice I had major infatuations with considerably younger
girls. Things were 100% platonic. One of them remains my friend, some 55+
years later.
If you, my
reader, wish to see “me” physically, look at:
https://www.georgemarx.org/2024/10/i-dont-know.html
. Roughly six weeks ago lifting
my right leg over the horizontal bar on my bicycle, I crashed to the
sidewalk. The next day, the notable
bruise became visible. I’m not ashamed
of how my posterior/ass is shown there, though it looked gross to me in a
non-sexual sense.
Our sexual essence
can and does traumatize a lot of us!
The quote below – ( I found it on my Facebook feed with no clear source
noted it being “historic Chicago”.
The Patterson McCormick Mansion was designed by Stanford
White. Originally built in 1891 for Elinor "Cissy" Patterson and
later occupied by Cyrus H. McCormick who added an addition in the back designed
by David Alder in 1927, this landmark property, located on Astor Street and
Burton Place on Chicago's north side is now individual condominium residences
after nearly being torn down.
Stanford White specialized in the design of informal
summer homes for the wealthy. He built numerous civic and religious buildings
also, among them Madison Square Garden.
He probably retains the most fame from being murdered.
White had an insatiable appetite for young girls. Henry Thaw, a Pittsburgh
millionaire with a history of severe mental instability, shot and killed White
at Madison Square Garden in a fit of jealousy over a prior affair to Thaw’s
wife, the beautiful actress, model, and chorus girl Evelyn Nesbit. The trial of
Thaw was described as the "trial of the century" by the press.
Nesbit would testify that one evening, White invited her
to his apartment for dinner and gave her champagne and possibly some drug, and
then raped her after she passed out: she was about 16 years old at this time
and White was 48. White's reputation was severely damaged by the testimony in
the trial, and his sexual activities became public knowledge.
Thaw was tried for murder twice for the shooting of
White. The first trial ended with a mistrial due to a hung jury, and the jury
in the second trial found him not guilty by reason of insanity.
Today, the buildings that survive are a representation of America's Gilded Age.
Male
survivors of rape and sexual abuse often have a complex path towards coping
with their trauma.
Rape crisis
centers generally have at least predominantly female staff and volunteers. Those seeking their services also are at
least predominantly female. Gender
non-binary individuals are beyond my knowledge related to relevant issues. Most female identified individuals clearly
feel safer and more easily heard by others sharing their gender.
Where male
identified individuals get help, things can be more complex! For some a “woman” is “safer” to confide
in. For others a “man” is
“better”. For some, an individual who
is accepting and understanding of any gender is best.
I
remember, at about age 12, being herded into the school auditorium, along with
all the other girls my age, and shown a sex education film.
It was
about how a girl’s body matures, explaining the menstrual cycle, and how
pregnancy occurs. It was all very technical, and it was easy to think the
entire thing was something that took place in a lab somewhere.
We were
also instructed on the dangers of sex, especially how it
could lead to acquiring any one of a number of nasty diseases. Naturally,
I was horrified.
Let me
tell you: The American approach is not exactly inspiring to early pubescent
youth beginning to explore their sexuality and those awkward first relationships.
But that’s how things were taught in the US (if at all) …
The
Netherlands has a different attitude toward sex — one that emphasises teaching children that sex is about loving
relationships, both with others and with themselves.
Not only
that, it can actually be fun — an idea that would shock most US school boards
and cause all the Karens to start freaking out.
Either
way, sex education in the Netherlands starts at the ripe old age of four,
during kindergarten, when children are taught about things such as their
bodies, respect, and consent. Of course, this all happens in an age-appropriate
manner: with lots of books, images, and great teachers.
Needless
to say, when I got a notice from my 7-year-old daughter’s Dutch school that the
following week’s theme was to be Lentekriebels (Spring Fever), I was
excited. It reminded me of one more reason I love living in the
Netherlands.
Rather
than sticking their heads in the sand and advocating abstinence-only — a policy
that has been proven to be a dismal failure — the Dutch realise that human
sexuality is a perfectly natural part of life.
They also
realise that the more resources children are equipped with, the better off they
will be. That’s why open conversations are encouraged across all ages — in and
outside of the classroom.
Dutch
parenting and views on sex education at home
Sex
education in the Netherlands is viewed as a combined effort between the youth’s
school and the parents.
Unlike
the days of my youth, most Dutch teens feel able to speak openly with their
parents about sex. They do not have to resort to sneaking around behind their
parents’ backs, reduced to awkward fumbling in the back of dad’s car.
Most
Dutch parents will happily let their teenager spend time with their partner.
Image:
It’s also
not uncommon in a Dutch household to find your daughter or son’s partner
sitting at the breakfast table in the morning. Two-thirds of teens between 15
and 17 report that their parents allow their steady partners to share their
bedroom for an overnight stay.
As one
parent I spoke with put it, “I’d rather have my daughter at home where I can be
there for her if she needs me, and I can get to know her boyfriend better.”
Teenage
pregnancy rates in the Netherlands
You
guessed it: The teenage pregnancy and birth rates in the Netherlands are very
low.
In fact,
the Netherlands has one of the lowest
teen birth rates in the European Union, and only around 2.5 girls per 1,000 aged
15-19 have a baby each year.
In
the USA, which has the highest teenage birth
rate in the developed world, it is more than 6 times higher than the
Netherlands — with 15.4 births for every 1,000 girls aged 15-19.
So yes,
it’s obvious that the Dutch approach to sex education is the one that works.
Dutch
teens mature at a healthier rate.
Dutch
teens also tend to have their first sexual experience slightly later than their
American counterparts. When they do finally have sex, the majority of Dutch
report it as having been a positive, fun experience.
In
contrast, nearly 70% of American teens say they felt they should have waited
longer before having sex.
Why is
that? Well, Dutch sex education classes teach children to respect others’
boundaries, stressing the importance of sex in the context of a respectful,
loving relationship. One of the earliest lessons revolves around consent.
Children
are also taught how to say “no” until they feel they are ready for sex, to
decide what and how much they want, to tell their partner what feels good to
them, and to act responsibly both in terms of contraception and respect for
their partner. …
Amy T.
Schalet, author of “Not
Under My Roof: Parents, Teens, and the Culture of Sex“, a book about the differences
between American and Dutch norms in regard to teenage sexuality, indicates the
cultural differences between the two countries have something to do with a more
mature view of sexuality.
“There’s
a real gender component there, and that’s also where the Dutch, I think, do
things differently,” she says.
“They
leave room for boys to think of themselves as romantic, of having feelings. And
it’s not that American boys aren’t romantic, it’s that everything in their
culture tells them that they shouldn’t be.”
Dutch sex
education also includes topics such as gender identity and homosexuality.
Children here learn early that it is perfectly natural for two men or two women
to be in love.
I can’t
help but think that this type of early training can help prevent the many hate
crimes and acts of violence against the LGBTQIA+ community.
In
addition to this, no subject regarding sex is taboo in Dutch sex ed classes,
particularly in the later grades, where it is not unusual to find discussions
on subjects such as masturbation and oral sex.
Girls are
not expected to take a passive role in sexual negotiations either. They are
taught they can make choices about their own sexuality, and not to feel
pressured by boys or their friends.
In fact,
Dutch women are known to be very forthright about what it is they want in bed.
Girls learn their sexual desires are perfectly natural, and boys are
encouraged to embrace their emotions and romantic feelings.
The Dutch
model of sex education is a great example of how to deal with the topic. While
it might not be applicable everywhere due to cultural barriers, it can still
serve as an inspiring example for other nations.
https://dutchreview.com/expat/education/sex-education-in-the-netherlands/
I don’t
remember receiving sex education, though I’m guessing we had stereotyped USian
“positive” sex education of the 1960’s, far, far from the Dutch positive model
noted above. While I certainly wasn’t
traumatized (further, if I was traumatized at all), I wasn’t helped by a
middle-school and high school that were otherwise excellent.
So what does
all of this have to do with honoring my penis?????
Well,
decades ago, someone my long-term partner knew (she might have been her
therapist) had breast reduction surgery.
I have no idea why she chose to have the surgery. She died upon being anesthetized for the
surgery.
Women often
view their breasts as either “too big” or “too small”. Women also often believe that they are “too
fat”.
Traditionally, fashion models are expected to meet
certain physical criteria. Female models were often expected to have
measurements close to 34-24-34 inches (bust-waist-hips), be around 5'8'' -
5'11'' tall, with a dress size of 4 US/36 EU.
https://www.actorclass.com/blog/2024/2/26/model-measurements-industry-standards-amp-the-transition-toward-diversity
In
summary, the journal suggested prioritizing a fairly massive overhaul of both
Misses and Plus size clothing standards because the average American woman
actually wears a size 16 to 18, not size 14, as once was assumed.
https://www.thelist.com/105630/truth-average-womens-clothing-size/
While there has
been some lightening of the narrow pressure on female models’ skinniness, women
still feel pressures to be thinner both from within the fashion industry, as
well as from male partners and potential partners.
Black people
often face trauma related to racism.
The oppressor class and individuals with privilege can be seemingly
traumatized also. White people fear
Black people often more deeply than the reverse, though the dangers – the fears
are tied to usually are either illusionary, or simply upside down.
We carry
trauma from our lived experiences, often from childhood, as well as ancestral
trauma. Personally, I had insecure
attachment issues from my early childhood on, perhaps related in part to being
autistic. Not realizing that I was
autistic until age 68 ½ didn’t do me any favors either.
Personally,
I’ve clearly had gender related issues dating back to childhood. Being bullied by three boys who were two
years older than me as a grade school didn’t help. I also was a tall, clumsy boy who loved
sports. Being the last boy picked for
kickball games at school didn’t help my self-esteem.
My father
Imanuel Marx was 5’4” tall. I don’t
remember doing things with him that were what I wanted. He taught my brother and I about
Judaism. I admire him for the social
justice – Anti-Racist framework, he taught us.
His endless “intellectualization”
of life, and focus with us on what he wanted, not what I wanted, didn’t help me
grow towards adulthood and particularly towards my manhood.
Dad died on
Friday, November 13th, when I was 13 years old. The fact that his illness and impending
death were concealed from my brother and me (to “protect us”) didn’t help me grow. I didn’t cry when I faced my father’s death,
and kept myself from crying for another 18 years. There was no one to tell me I didn’t need
to take on this toxic masculinity.
My mother,
despite knowing that my father was facing death for nearly three years before
he died, had little emotional energy to parent me. Some of it was my brother’s deeper
problems. Some was Ma’s
immaturity. She also treated me in
some ways as a trusted confidant and superficially like a “partner”, rather
than being a true “mother”. This was
inappropriate and harmful.
We all have
our – dysfunctionalities – often dating from our early years.
For some
men, we need to “tamp down” our toxic masculinity, which is evident from our
boasts, attempts at “machodom”, often centered on our “phallicness” – i.e. –
mine is The Biggest + I’ve F**ked More “girls” (sic) than you have! For others, such as myself, we need to
assert our being sexual – in general.
This doesn’t
eliminate the fact that we may have caused harm to others – related to our
sexuality! It does mean that we need to
unpack – more of who we are.
When one is
Deeply Traumatized, emotional or even physical survival is of necessity – where
we need to be. We are stuck at the
bottom or Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.
Where one is
traumatized to a lesser degree – one needs to delve into one’s self, if we wish
to heal ourselves.
My sense is
that most of us – “stick to the safe zone” – in most areas, most of the
time. We may be “too busy” – with
taking care of others or ourselves. We
may also choose to take the path of least resistance.
For some –
life is a generally a breeze most of the time. They fit in or think that they do, and most
of the time can “pass” for fitting in.
For others –
whether their escape is – sports, music, theater or similar – their/our
privilege often allows them/us a peaceful essence most of the time. Others – with more stressful lives find an
escape – be it in their music, poetry or other – respectful palliative.
Las Vegas is
a good example of a place for many to escape the realities of their day-to-day
life. Going out early in the morning I
saw quite a few of those who seem to have gotten “stuck” in their escapes.
Gambling –
of course – is the most visible “vice” one sees immediately upon exiting one’s plane
upon arrival from afar. Alcohol,
tobacco, and sex-sexiness seem to follow the gambling.
The shows
are generally “safe”. Sports – when
one avoids the sports gambling.
Wonderful
food can be safe, when not consumed in excess.
Is getting
married in the Circus Circus Wedding Chapel a deep commitment – or an escape –
from reality?
As a
non-smoker, non-weeder, non-drinker, non-gambler, stuck away from my regular
salad based diet, I guess in moments I feel that I’m somehow “better” or at
least different.
In the end,
I, as us all, must sort out – who I am and who I want to be! I try to stay out of the trash, as is visible
in the picture above. My life also
isn’t in the “desert mecca” of Las Vegas, the community us tourists don’t
generally see at all.
I am a most
political being. My politics are quite
varied! In a direct literal way, I’m
seeking to reach fellow privileged, cis, white men related to justice for the Palestinian
People, racism, and reproductive justice.
There also is the personal – which can be “political”.
Comments
Post a Comment