I Dont Know

 

I don’t know what I don’t Know

and

Curiosity didn’t Kill the Cat

When I was Very Scared

When, for example

My Hip – was badly Bruised

10/29/2024- Much Better

and

The Pain was Extreme

My Curiosity

Was Seriously Lacking!

Though

As I’ve Learned

How Little

I Really Know

and

How Much I Really

Really Want

To Know

My Vision(s)

Have Moved

From a

Narrow Prism

of Love – Extreme Love

Rushing Towards …

Oft Times Scaring – the Other

and

Avoiding – Minimizing – Denying

Staying as Away

As I can be

Into

A World – a Vast

World

Of – Rainbows

Of – Color

From Pretty Deep Fears

Through Deep Attractions

With Much

Much – Much

InBetween

Curiosity

Caring

and

Perhaps – Most Importantly

Into a Vast – Breadth

of Meaning

Ever Deepening Meaning

--

Added - most apt quote below:

I don't really care for hearing "both sides" or "opposing points of view". so much as I care about understanding the literary tools deployed to advance those views-the discipline of voice, the use of verbs, the length and brevity of sentences, and the curiosity of mind behind those sentences.  It is this last I find so often lacking.   Great canons angle toward great power, and the great privilege of great power is an incuriosity about those who lack it.  That incuriosity is what afflicts the dullest critics of safe spaces and the like.  But if these writers, teachers, and administrators could part with the privilege of their own ignorance, they would see that they too need safe spaces-and that, for their own sakes, they have made a safe space of nearly the entire world.

I've now taught in my fair share of different environments-prisons, libraries, public schools, and universities.  My approach goes back to 1982.  I am trying to entrance, to inspire, to excite, because I think that is exactly what I needed.  But often plain human decency will suffice, and I've generally found that if I could explain to you why I was teaching Thomas Jefferson's thoughts on slavery, that if I granted you the right to hate him nonetheless if you so choose, and that if, most important of all, I made a general effort not to be an asshole, then you, in turn, tended to make a general effort to cope with all the requisite discomfort.   My sense is that if I spend more time talking to you than I spend complaining about you, then something wonderful often happens and the enlightenment is mutual.  So I don't really worry about the young, whose excesses are confined to lecture halls and quadrangles, so much as I faer the old, whose tyrannies are legislative.  (p.80-81- THE MESSAGE-Ta-Nehisi Coates)

This Ever Expanding World

Includes:

Deep Sadness,

Deep Hurt

Some Deep Pain

Anger –

Wielding Itself Visible

for the first Time

In Full Force

Recognizing

and Seeking

to Prevent

Causing Deep Harm

And Even Trauma

to Others,

Those – I Love

and Even

Into – and At

One or Two

I didn’t/don’t

Even Know

-       My Trauma

as with Most Others

Comes – from

My Childhood Deep Pain

and

Historic Trauma

Which Had/Has

Penetrated – Me Deeply

Most of the Tough Stuff

Though

Isn’t Tough –

Rather being Challenging

Challenging Me

to Grow, to Learn

to Penetrate

My Thick Skull

Moving More Deeply

Into My Heart

Hearing My Spirit

--

Also Most relevant

Is Benefiting from

Experiencing

Being In

Really In

The Sadness,

As Well as the Joy

Hearing – the Winds

Hearing – the Light

And Piercing Rains

The Whooshing

The Cries

of – the Little Dog

The Seeming – Non-Vulnerable

Large Cat

Also – significantly

The Fears, Hurts, Pains,

Deep – Deep Love

and Core Being

of Those I Care Most

Deeply – Deeply

For

Hearing – their Pain

Hearing – their Silence

Hearing -  their Voices

When Muted,

As Well as

Screaming,

Sometimes – Most Clearly

Sometimes – Not

As I grow,

I Know Not

What I still Don’t Know

My Curiosity – Expanding

Greatly,

When – I am Open

and Vulnerably

and Gently Naked

in My Core Essence

Minimizing

as I can

Being Clothed

Heavily Clothed

In Protective Armor

Tin Man or Stainless Steal Man

Robbing Myself

and at times Others

of their Breath

I am Learning So Much

The Pain

Teaches Me

The Smiles – the Appreciations – too

My Worlds – will Grow

Hopefully – for a Long While

Learning – from Listening

Not Talking – more than …

Listening – Curiosity – Being

Much, Much More

Than Doing

Hearing,

Experiencing,

Being Within

Both the Inside

as well as Oft Times

Outside – an Outsider

My Autistic Gift

Profiting – Within

And Not

Over another – Other

The Other(s)

May Listen – or Not

(can’t control their essential being)

I Can

However

Be – Be Within Myself

Growing

Slow Down –

as Also I spread my Wings

The – Shaman’s Words

May or May not be Visible,

or Relevant

Love –

Can Grow – and Expand

When I let it (out)

Reaction – Reacting Against

Rather – Than Listening

and Trying

Not Always Successfully

Slows Me Down

Trying is Good

Learning Can

be Painful

and That Pain

Horrific as it may

At times Be

Is part of

A Great Life Lesson

I Can’t Be

You, she, he or They,

and Who Really am I?

Who Do I want to be?

How Am I willing

and Able

to Move

Really Move

Forward,

Honoring, while Resisting

The Thorns and Thistles

Absorbing the Essence

of Being – Really Being

Both – in a Space of Discomfort –

At Times,

as well as a floating

Levitating Even

Among Amazing, Amazing

People – I Adore

Rashida Tlaib, George Bisharat + Marx - December 9, 2023

In Specific Moments,

as well as

Amongst A Few

-       A Knowledge

A Clear Knowledge

So Much – So Much There…

Helping,

Really, really Helping Me

Survive – and at Times Survive

Both the Mediocrity, as

Well as the Deep Hatred –

and Hurt

Put Forth

The Apathy – eating the Molten Chocolate

Bordering – the Genocide

Of – the (lack) of Heart

The Soul

Of Unfairness,

Inequities –

Individually Absorbed

As Well as

Systematically – Boring Into

-       The Patriarchy > may lesson and perhaps disappear

-       The Slavery > of Five Hundred + Years – moving, clearly towards being History, acknowledged, and no longer denied

And

Much – Much More

In this Moment – of Supreme – Uncertainty

I feel Most Certain –

Most Certain – that I will Be

Really Be

-       In a Future – a Positive Future

Moving Forward

Whether – confronting – Deeply Confront – a Bitter Set of seeming Enemies, and/or

Growing Through – the inevitable (it seems) “we won”

So! – “so I can lighten up”

No – we can’t

Apathy – and Confidence

Require – More

From

Those of us –

Who Can

and

Choose Both:

To Embrace

and Accept

Our discomfort – our Pain

While – Loving with

Loving and

Loving not Despite

Loving with (at times)

Pieces of Deep Desperation

Not – reacting to and Tacitly

Absorbing – the Negative Spirits –

Those Perpetrating Deep Harm

Whom – we can’t readily reach

Reaching Out – Listening

Yes

Being – just outside the Doorway

Hearing –

Really Hearing

The Tinkling Glass

The Silent Tears

The Pain –

Of Those –

Who – On the Surface

Seem

Really Seem

To have nothing Good

Jesus – won’t Save us

Buddah – won’t Save us

Jehovah – won’t Save us

-       We – and I – can only Be

Not Knowing What I/We

Don’t Know

I can try,

At Least

Really Try

to be – the at times

Mysterious

Cat

Its Soft Fur

And Tail

Showing my Tale

Of Being – Moving Forward

Slowly, mostly Steadily

Ahead -----

For: B, for Greg, Russell, Ryan, Peggy,  for P for Dalia for Fida for Jay and Olivia – Elizabeth, Lynn - for the incredible young woman Candace– who bravely – shared her story with us – on our journey recently, for Tom, for Nancy, for Andy, for Rachelle, Abigail, Rashida, for many others – who have moved me, shared with me, listened to me – and Helped Me – so, So Much!

Thanks!