Communication ?

Communication between people who care about either their relationship or serious issues can be very, very difficult!    When two or more people really care about something, we are often sensitive to what we hear the other person saying.   Where we hear things that are congruent with our perspective or disagreements that don't hit us in our gut, we are generally fine.   When - we hit sensitive spots - things can be tough!

I am on the Autism-Aspergers spectrum.   This can make things that otherwise would be hard, harder.   I am sensitive to what I perceive as criticisms and can rush to judgment - emotionally reacting, when I feel put down.

Even without my Aspergers, it still is challenging.   We hear various messages - within ourselves.   They may be:  "It's obvious, why don't you see it?"  or "If you cared you'd ..."  or "I've struggled with you on X, so you owe me on Y"  or "We (e.g. I emotionally) really need this, so why don't you see it"  or other such things.

We may hear the words.   We often don't hear the emotional message or what is really behind what is being said.

Commonly, we need to slow down, deescalate from our defensive stances, and try to hear each other.   In such space we are moving for communication, not for resolution of the original issue.

We also need to learn how to prevent such patterns from persisting in our relationships!  That is not easy to do!


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