Racism - Proximity can be Dangerous!
I seriously discovered
blues music in 1970. Increasingly, I
thought that I understood Black People.
I loved attending concerts and shows in local bars (as I got a little
older), oft times interacting with the Black People I met. (Understandably) Black People didn’t tell me
how full of s**t I was in my fantasy world(s).
They were kind to me (and I didn’t deserve it). Some may also have realized that as an
advantaged young, white man, my word would likely be valued more than theirs, when/if
– conflict/trouble arose.
I’ve been
partnered with a Black Woman since 2002.
Since late 2018, I’ve moved more and more deeply into beginning to understand
my whiteness. Curiosity has lead me into
understanding how much I have (and will always have) to learn.
--
It is so
simple when one separates white people into two distinct groups; “the racists”
and “the good people”. We “Good People”
– are a total illusion!
What is
Scary to me is where our delusions lead us!
The stories
– can go on and on and on and on.
--
I know
several Black Men, with white (female) partners, for example. Both women’s partnerships have helped them learn
more about racism than others who are white.
I also know
a few (other) white people, mostly women, who really do serious Anti-Racism
work. They understand, unlike the
others, that their Black Children and/or
Life Partners being Black is NOT a “passport” into understanding Racism. It provides an opportunity to grow – a win-win
for them. It takes a serious commitment. The time may or may not be easily
there. Doing the Deep Emotional Work is
much more challenging!
Black People
are forced to learn about white people.
Their survival in a Racist world requires adapting. As a white man, I have the freedom to remain
at least somewhat distant from both Racism and Sexism, because of the
advantage(s) I have.
The takeaways
for me are perhaps a little deeper than that of many other white folks. They may be deeply impacted by excellent
books like Esther Armah’s – Emotional Justice…
( https://www.georgemarx.org/2024/06/emotional-justice-esther-armah-amazing.html ) or Shelly Tochluk’s Witnessing Whiteness…
( https://www.workingtowardsendingracism.org/2022/11/witnessing-whiteness-third-edition-must.html
) .
One
obviously can learn a lot from reading a well written, deep book. It takes much more than the “headwork” –
which Esther Armah really gets at in her work.
--
I grew up in
West Lafayette, Indiana from the mid-1950’s through the 1960’s. White people, “typical Hoosiers”,
predominated. The Black People I saw
were nearly only the (male) athletes I saw in football/basketball games at
Purdue, as well as much less frequently the high school basketball and track stars
from Gary.
Much more
commonly “the others” were foreign graduate students from Asia and Africa, and
a few professors like Ali Amir-Moez, a colleague of my father, who was
Iranian-American.
I notice
both in others, as well as myself, a presumptiveness, related to the advantages
we have. For me this includes being white,
male, upper-middle class, and having attended “excellent” (mostly predominantly
white) public schools, as well as universities.
I use to
think that I knew a lot!
At 20, I
remember meeting a Black man at a truck-stop along an Illinois interstate highway. I casually said to him, “Are you into blues
music?”, naively believing that blues music was “The Black Music”. He patiently explained to me that for many
Black People jazz music was popular among the middle-class, while blues music was
popular among more working-class people.
In August,
1973, at 22, K suggested that we get tickets to see Duke Ellington live (his
band and he were in Madison, where we lived for a week then).
I responded,
“Why would I want to see Duke Ellington perform?”. I missed my last opportunity to see him
before he died in 1974. K and I laughed together
about it recently. That was the
stupidest thing I ever said/didn’t do in my entire life!
I was around
a lot of Black People starting around then.
A few of us went regularly to blues bars on the West and South Sides of
Chicago. Frequently we were the only
white folks there. I was fascinated
both by the incredible music and the warmth of the people I met.
I saw James
Cotton perform at Theresa’s in Chicago, for New Year’s Eve 1974 with a good
friend. Cotton was already well known, This performance for Theresa Needham (https://blues.org/blues_hof_inductee/theresa-needham/) most likely was him wanting community
with Black People. He recognized that
he’d “made it”, but still wanted human connection with the Black Community he’d
lived in. He didn’t do it for the little
money he earned.
Getting a
ride home from Florence’s (https://www.furious.com/perfect/hounddogtaylor.html)
late on a Sunday Afternoon
circa 1974, Bob and Sue Koester, and their special guest Helen Dance (jazz
critic and spouse of a better known jazz critic who was a friend of Duke
Ellington’s), we were held up at gunpoint. Bob, Sue, and Helen – all white – were older,
and much, much more aware of racism than I was.
It took me
another 44 years to do more than very minimal work on racism! I’d already been partnered with a Black
Woman for 16 years, by then!
Unfortunately,
racism hasn’t evaporated. It has and
continues to “wait” for us white people!!
Today, there is a massive resurgence of Blatant Racism.
West
Lafayette High School, my alma mater (1973), had an a wonderful (Black) Boy’s
Basketball Coach for many years (long after I graduated) named David Wood. It took a lot of courage for him to speak out
publicly!
What follows
is from this source:
OPINION
They
felt free to call my players the 'n-word'
David
Wood
I am a
black man who has, for the vast majority of my life, been proud to be an
American. Lee Greenwood’s ballad always makes me emotional. I am also proud to
be the boys’ basketball coach at West Lafayette High School.
Monday
afternoon, two of my players, both of whom are black, were verbally assaulted
by three young men in a black SUV. The men in the vehicle stopped to call them
“n-----s.” I have been relatively silent about what has happened in our country
since the election, but I can be silent no longer. …
Now I
believe that we have empowered white bigots by electing a white bigot to the
highest office in our country. Since the election, there have been far too many
instances of bigots who feel that they can be who they are without fear of
consequences.
We
elected Donald Trump, who publicly ridiculed a handicapped member of the media,
then denied it ever happened. This man has threatened the existence of the
entire Islam faith, and now Muslim children (and adults) are fearful for their
lives as they know them. I know because I work every day with many wonderful
children who are Muslim. …
The truth
is that we would have never elected Barack Obama president of the United States
if he had said and done even a small portion of the things that Donald Trump
has done just in the past few months. …
This was in
2017! Most white people reading this
know of George Floyd’s murder which was on: May 25, 2020.
Many white
people were shocked with the actions and words of Donald Trump beginning January
20, 2025, when he was (again) inaugurated.
Many Black People, while DEEPLY impacted, aren’t as shocked in a similar
way to us white people.
CLAIM:
Donald Trump was never called a racist until he ran for president.
AP’S
ASSESSMENT: False. The federal government sued Trump for allegedly
discriminating against Black apartment seekers in the 1970s. Black pastors also
accused the New York businessman of stirring racial animus during the “Central
Park Five” rape case in the 1980s. Native American groups criticized him for
making derogatory remarks about tribes seeking to build casinos in the 1990s.
Trump was also a leading voice of the “birther” conspiracy that baselessly
claimed former President Barack Obama was from Africa and not an American
citizen.
https://apnews.com/article/fact-check-trump-racism-election-obama-018824651613
The history
of “race” and racism goes back to the 17th Century! “White People” didn’t exist before there was
a threat to slave ownership largely in what became Virginia in the latter half
of the 1600’s. Poor white people began
uniting with poor Black People, not all of whom were enslaved. It threatened white wealthy men’s survival. Prior to “white people” existing, my father’s
ancestors would have been: “German” or “German Jews” or perhaps a name identified with
the part of what later became Germany.
Few of us
white people (myself included) were taught about these kinds of things in our
schools. For me it started with
Burtsfield Elementary School (1956-7) through my Master’s Degree in Counselor
Education at Northeastern, IL in 1980 + work at Northern Illinois University at
the end of that year.
I was in a
Civil Rights March in Lafayette, Indiana, in The Summer of 1961. I have No Excuses!
Many white
people have read: Robin DiAngelo’s bestseller: White Fragility –
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45ey4jgoxeU
. Many of us marched after George Floyd was
murdered.
Few of us
have heard of (and fewer yet are active in): SURJ, AWARE-LA, Constructive White
Conversations, Reckon With, The Privilege Institute’s White Privilege
Conferences – and white men – yes You – WHITE MEN FOR RACIAL JUSTICE!
SURJ – is the
strongest white Anti-Racist Group in the Country.
AWARE-LA is
the strongest local white Anti-Racist Group in our Country.
White Men
for Racial Justice – is the most effective men’s group I’ve found – in 2024 - (dating
back to my first men’s work – in 1981, 44 years ago).
If you’re
curious – look now at: https://www.wm4j.org/2024/08/ra-g.html - a website of mine (if you read it months or years later
and this site isn’t around, check out:
https://www.georgemarx.org/ - my personal website.
When will
we – white people get seriously curious?
When will
those of us who are advantaged (upper-middle class) – particularly – men – get so
curious – that we actually start Doing Substantial Things Consistently?
We need
to do more than read a book, attend a protest, or have a Black friend !
Even when
we have a Black life partner and/or child, we don’t necessarily:
GET IT!
A lot of
us white men (particularly) need to –
unpack our whiteness, supporting our Black and Brown “neighbors” – who we
rarely know well enough to be deeply trusted by them.
Proximity
to Racism is NOT ENOUGH! Even one’s
child and partner – need support – when Black (or Brown)! Racism – has always been everywhere! Today it is bubbling up and we are “catching
fire”!
Fascism –
is already here! Washington, D.C. –
militarized! Los Angeles majorly
attacked! Chicago – poised to be next!
White Man
– did you notice – all three cities have Black Mayors – the first two facing
attack - Female!
Resistance –
Allyship – and Relationship – Deep Relationship – Community – is Important! I’ve learned a lot!
Most of it
came after I woke up (too late) in late 2018, at age 67 ½. My partner’s Black Family – has welcomed me
deeply for over 20 years!
They are
wonderful!
It is “WE”
white people – NOT “you White People” – I’m “accusing” !
See/hear/join:
Loretta Ross – one of the wisest of us all!
She isn’t a “single issue” person at all! She understands: Racism, Patriarchy, and for me in these
moments significantly – the Genocide – in Gaza and well beyond!
Her Wisdom – is Thousands or more
Times More than Mine! She has a Deep
Heart! Thanks!
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