Fear - Trauma - Safety - Curiosity (Palestine)
Fear – Trauma – Safety – Curiosity all relate to each other
within all of us (in my estimation). My
own fears relate to the traumas both within me – from my entire lifetime, as
well as how I’m impacted historically. I’ve
been afraid of men and boys. As a young
child I was emotionally all alone! I had
virtually no meaningful friends in my life.
I was also bullied by three boys, all two years older than me, when I was a pre-teen. That impacted me a lot.
I’ve never had a “99% or 100% best friend” in my entire life. If I feel troubled in a moment or beyond
that moment for a longer period of time, there is no single person that I’d seek
out and confide in (now, as well as earlier in my earlier life).
I didn’t start unpacking a lot of this until reasonably
recently.
My childhood friends who’ve meant a lot to me are few. Moments of deep meaning - relationally - going back to my childhood,
until reasonably recently aren’t very common.
I vividly remember meeting the noted scholar of Kabbalah Gershom Scholem
in Jerusalem late in his life (close to 45 years ago). Hearing him tell me of family members of
mine was meaningful, however it didn’t help me dig into my fears, nor my traumas
at all.
I often have curiosity when not deeply traumatized. Perhaps being autistic helps me, as well as
how my father believed deeply in both social justice and thinking for
oneself. I learn a lot from the
mistakes I make in a variety of ways.
Life feels “safer”, but almost never “safe”. This relates significantly to the obvious
facts that I have a lot of privilege, but also vulnerability and clear
limitations (such as related to my autism and how it impacts me. I’ve learned in recent years to not stifle
my emotions and I’m a very emotional person, especially related to how other
men are. I cry when I feel sadness in a
movie. Some wonderful things make me
unbelievable happy – in the moment. I
can feel deep sadness, and even anger, when I see things that trouble me, as
well as when I feel criticized.
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So why do these things trouble me?
Well, I’m learning how to “get out of my head and into my
heart”. My father taught me that
knowledge was important and that learning was all “head learning”. That per se didn’t harm me, but it limited
my emotional growth substantially.
Indirectly it hurt me a lot! I
see a lot of others, particularly “smart” and basically “privileged” people stuck
with the same “disease” I had for much of my life.
I’m bothered by others who I see as having opportunities at
least “parallel” to mine in general, who seem to not take significant risks to “do
more” that is meaningful. This particularly
bothers me when they talk of admiring all that I do, while not discussing how
they might be able to do at least a little more. I’m also deeply annoyed when I see others
telling me (or others) that they can’t do more than they’re already doing, when
I see others, with far, far, far less visible privilege, doing much more than such
folks are doing and really “being there” so often.
I’m also upset at so many people, particularly fellow
privileged Jews (I’m Jewish), who are clearly caring people committed to
systemic social justice, who have a clear (in my mind) “blindspot” related to
the Palestinian People and Israel.
Focusing upon the latter, I see clear Genocide in
Gaza particularly, and silence and deep opposition to my core beliefs on such
issues.
Many, if not most, of us Jews grow/grew up taught a strongly
Zionist narrative of the weak Jewish People in Palestine taking on the cruel,
powerful Arabs, and triumphing against the odds. Some of us question such narratives and
eventually see things very differently.
I read writings by multiple people, most notably Noam Chomsky in my 30’s
(I’m now 74), and began speaking up as I learned more and more. I listen, and rarely argue with others.
I’ve tried to process relevant childhood traumas related to
Israel and my being Jewish. I’ve also
recognized how relatives and ancestors of mine faced horrible Anti-Semitism and
even death simply because they were Jewish.
Marcel Petiot (a sadistic French physician) murdered my great-aunt Rahel
(Marx) Wolff and members of her immediate family on December 21, 1942 in Paris,
as he did with other desperate Jews, seeking to escape Hitler.
Our historical trauma goes far deeper than just The
Holocaust and Hitler. Our collective
ancestors were persecuted and killed in much of the world, particularly in
Europe and present day Russia, as scapegoats for the elites, as well as for
being “competition” and diversion from the limitations others perceived and often
had.
Individually, and collectively, we lack curiosity and the
capacity to grow deeply emotionally in some important ways, when we do don’t “do
the personal work” related to our fears and traumas. Many of us Jews see Hitler deeply, and
Israel as a “safe haven” or potential safe haven.
We are stuck in what I could label “diabolical false
binaries” related to the Palestinian People and people of the Muslim religion. We are good, and they are bad. I have had and continue to have relatives
and friends who don’t question what we were taught growing up.
When we question core beliefs of our lives it is threatening. I’m totally serious in saying this. We are questioning the truths that our
parents told us. If we belong to a
temple or synagogue we are questioning the rabbis statements, as well as fellow
congregants, who are often our friends.
We are questioning the basic beliefs of our own family members.
I went to hear Louis Farrakhan speak at The University of
Wisconsin in 1987. I wouldn’t have paid
to hear him speak. I wanted to understand
his Anti-Semitism and Charisma. I’m
glad I went! I viewed him significantly
more negatively, after seeing him talk and answer audience questions.
It saddens me to see fellow Jews who a strongly against
Racism, Sexism, Classism, Homo/Lesbian/Trans phobias, and see Israel as
different. They talk of Anti-Semitism,
however what they include in it, and often focus most deeply on is Anti-Zionism
and/or serious criticism of Israel and its Jewish leadership, both presently,
and historically.
Recently I heard Peter Beinart interview Fania Oz-Salzberger
and Aziz Abu Sarah discuss their similar and differing views relate to Israel
and the Palestinian People. Simple background
on the latter two people:
Fania Oz-Salzberger (Hebrew: פניה עוז-זלצברגר; born 28 October 1960) is an Israeli historian
and writer, Professor Emerita of history at the University of Haifa School of Law and the
Haifa Center for German and European Studies (HCGES). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fania_Oz-Salzberger
Aziz Abu Sarah (Arabic: عزيز أبو سارة, Hebrew: עזיז אבו סארה; born 1980) is a Palestinian peace activist,
journalist, social entrepreneur and politician. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aziz_Abu_Sarah
Both Fania and Aziz strongly oppose current Israeli policy –
i.e. – the genocide in Gaza. Fania
spoke of commonalities they had, and also where she felt challenges related to
the Palestinian People. Aziz
acknowledged the concern of Fania, while caringly pointing out concerns he had
with some of what she shared. His
history differed from hers in ways, including how Rabin, had strongly the
supported the policies which literally killed Aziz’s brother in an Israeli
prison. He is a “peacenik” – as she is,
however he seemed more of a “realist” to me.
One simple example he gave was in clarifying that he’s more
concerned with a lasting, safe, fully just solution to create justice for the Palestinian
People, where the killing and discrimination will end, than whether the
solution is “two state” or “single state” (or a variant on the former). He points out history. He points out the obvious power disparities.
Neither of the scholars/journalists just mentioned focused
primarily upon the American People, though our government was mentioned
some. Trump has been horrible related
to such issues. Biden provided a “logical
on ramp” – for a continuation of – 100% support of Israel’s leadership amongst
those in power in Washington.
I read, think and feel!
I read things which bother me greatly.
I listen to others speak and hear words, that in my mind seem “ignorant”. I suggest readings, deep listening and
similarly try to do the same myself. I
reach beyond – the “safe stuff” and people who agree with me. I can learn much more with curiosity going
into the discussion. I can learn much
more from listening.
Palestine hasn’t been a “land without people” for many
centuries (at least). Zionism – was Anti-Semitic
based. It was this because it was a
comfortable way for the European elites and leadership particularly, to not
have to deal with “troublesome Jews” – who questioned them on the oppressions
they put forth in Europe. Even noted
leaders like David Ben-Gurion were occasionally at least honest in admitting
that they wanted a Solely Jewish State and that their ideals would in of
themselves limit or make impossible justice for the Palestinian native people.
Don’t simply believe what I say. Read/listen to/watch/explore: Avi Shlaim
and/or Peter Beinart, and/or Jewish Voice for Peace and/or Mitchell Plitnick
and/or Jewish Currents, and/or Chris Hedges, and/or Common Dreams, and/or
Democracy Now, and/or Rashid Khalidi, and/or…
Also – Google Holocaust Survivor – Hajo Meyer – regardless of
if you look at any the above, please raelly seriously check him out. He stood up and acted with principle until just
before his death at age 90. I admire
greatly the example he set for all of us!!
Sticking to MSNBC and mainstream Democratic Congresspeople
and similar – and NOT – looking at affirming, caring alternatives such as I’ve
noted above, limits ones’ choices. If
you dig deeply into one of the sources I’ve noted – with an almost open mind,
you might find that some of what I’ve said above makes sense.
I’m not denying that you (who disagree with me) care! I do think that delving more than
superficially, where you look for Where You Disagree (first) and try to prove
me wrong first, will make doing what I suggest a total waste of your time. Also, feeling safe, will not happen without
a just solution to the core issues.
This won’t happen until the Palestinian People can choose their own
leadership and it can negotiate as true equals working towards a lasting, just
peace.
It can be challenging!
It makes me angry and very, very sad!
It is the only way for me!!!!
Thanks!
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