What Does it Mean - To Be Alive?

 

What does it mean to be alive?

What does it mean to be oneself?

Why do I have the freedoms

that so many others don’t have?

Am I selfish?

Am I self-centered?

Is Centering Important?

It certainly is to me!

What Trauma is There?

Do You Face Trauma

Today, Everyday, All-the-Time?

I try to center myself

on Healing – or

Moving Towards Healing

The Basic Traumas

That Deeply Impact Me

and Those I care About

While – I can always

Significantly – change

Myself

I can do Better

I (like to think)

I am doing Better

Despite the Setbacks

You are Multiple People

Some of You

Are Stuck

With

Circumstances Deeply

Beyond Your Control

All of us that I can See

Are Stuck

At least in Small Part

We may – lack Something Important

We may – face Deep Unfairness

I See Both

So Little

and

So Much

·       I am

No Hero

but –

I Believe

and  

Try to Believe

That I – My Essence

has Meaning

My Curiosity

Is Vast

The Walls

I’ve Created

and Create

are I Believe

Shrinking

Not always

Fast Enough

My Impatience

Is I think

Lessoning

What is Courage?

What is My courage?

Who am I?

Perhaps – I will know

More deeply

On one day

I can not see

In Depth

Relationship

Begins

but

Does Not End

within Myself

It extends

or at least

has The Potential

To Extend

Deeply

Much More Deeply

from the Deep Isolation

The Deep Pain

of Much

of My Childhood

Which Extended

Well Beyond Then

In Large Part

Because of

Both –

My Failures

and The Absence

of Clear – Visible

Role Models

Who – (could) Permeate(d)

My Tough Shell

A Shell

Of Splinters

Broken parts

Surrounding

The Hard Boiled Egg

That Was Me

Not Boiled Hard

In True Fact

Because I have

a Softness

At My Core

The Moments

Today

Are Very, Very

Unclear

I am trying

Not Knowing

if I have the Courage

and What

Exactly –

That Courage is

or Can Be

-

I don’t know

Or do I?

August 14, 2024 – early in the Darkness of the Day~