Part II - So How Can We White Men Work Together?
So, how can
we white men work together?
We can:
1.) Show curiosity – deep curiosity about a lot of
things,
2.) Recognize, when we are deeply privileged, that
we both:
a. Have a lot of potential power,
individually and collectively, and
b. Feel a sense of responsibility to
seriously “do the work” in sustained, significant ways,
3.) Confront the relative complacency within
ourselves and other privileged people (in general),
4.) Feel uncomfortable, like an outsider, even
perhaps an (unwilling) imposition upon others more much more than tokenly,
5.) Network – build allyship – and confront our
tendency to be “buddies”, rather than allies both with others similar to who we
are in our complexities, as we are, and
6.) Working as “outsiders” supporting the work of
people, much different from ourselves,
7.) Take on the seeming hopelessness(es) of our
worlds, with deep commitment to see the lifelong journeys we are having,
8.) Make mistakes, seeking to minimize the harm
coming from them,
9.) Take risks to be an effective part of major,
positive, systemic societal and world change,
10.)
Do
both the personal work and the “action work”, helping learn from both
resources, and the lived experiences of others,
11.)
Build
relaxation, “time away”, and similar into our being, while ensuring that it
isn’t “detouring”, and perhaps most importantly to,
12.)
Recognize
how we are hurt by our Patriarchal Maleness, and really want to “do the work”
both to:
a. Benefit ourselves – looking to the
long-term particularly
and:
b. Be allies – often at a distance –
from the “others” – those whose life experiences and being is very different
from ours.
I’d like to
share examples both of individual men I know, two of whom are “doing it” and
one who in my opinion isn’t.
One white
man is active locally, and is finding it challenging helping build effective
work nationally, particularly with other privileged white men. On a personal level he is choosing to do ch
ange his work career to make it easier for his partner to change hers. His curiosity is amazing. He is often brutally honest with me about
positive and negative things in his life.
A second
amazing white man has helped me, personally, in my change by example. His daily life contains multiple
complexities that for most others would serve as a pathway to saying: “I’ll be there once things get really doable”
and “I need a few years until I can really deeply be there”.
Instead, he
does so much, while at times needing to say: “no, I can’t do this tonight” to
take care of himself. He is amazingly
active, doing so much.
I want to
contrast the third man, with the first two.
He is superficially totally similar to the first two men. He means well. This man is really “doing the work” in terms
of his commitment to important causes locally and nationally.
There are
key things that are lacking. His
curiosity seems stunted, particularly when he is challenged. He acknowledges his feelings, and yet they
seem to get in the way. Perhaps, he’s
stuck in his head, not his heart. He
lacks passion. He’s stuck being a
“buddy”, not an ally.
Buddies pat
one another on the back. Buddies
support excuse making. Allies aren’t
afraid of being embarrassed in their work, while they are working to minimize
the harm they cause. Allies look at:
1. Us – those we are both a part of and
in alignment with, as well as:
2. Others we share some common ground
with and finally
3. See the importance of actively being
(distant) allies of others we share relatively little with.
The “us” are
for example, fellow privileged white men.
The “common
ground folks” may include:
1. Privileged white women, as well as:
2. Somewhat – at times – in some ways
privileged BIPOC.
The distant
(potentially distant) others are people such as economically poor Black Queer
Women.
In seeking
to work with other privileged white men I recognize how easy it could be for
our individual paths to be deeply embedded in our privilege, while we tokenly
build towards systemic change. I see
how isolated I can easily be from deep connection with others beyond my life
partner.
In doing my
work, I recognize how important “meaning” is deeply embedded in me, with all is
complexities. “Happiness” is sometimes
a part of the meaning in my life. My
anger, fears, sadness, and grief are also important. I want to feel the (literal) pain(s) within
me, so I “make it to the doctor in time”.
I acknowledge my guilt and shame.
I want to
end this writing, acknowledging positive examples in my life through a
multitude of links to individuals and groups/organizations who/that help
me. This (too) is a process, a lifelong
process. Other notable white men (and
others in general) have different, perfectly valid, styles related to how we
are on our individual journeys.
1. Paul Kivel - https://paulkivel.com/
2. George Hrbek – https://www.georgemarx.org/2023/02/george-hrbek-amazing-man-i-was-lucky-to.html
https://crossculturalsolidarity.com/george-hrbek-the-selma-minister-who-built-a-white-antiracist-spiritual-community-in-chicago/
3. Lynn Burnett – https://crossculturalsolidarity.com/
4. Shelly Tochluk – https://www.shellytockluk.com
5. Esther Armah - https://www.theaiej.com/estherarmah
6. Fida Jiryis- https://www.georgemarx.org/2023/03/stranger-in-my-own-land-fida-jiryis.html
7. Constructive White Conversations - https://www.constructivewhiteconversations.org/
8. AWARE-LA and LAMP – https://www.awarela.org
9. Anne Braden - https://americanswhotellthetruth.org/portraits/anne-braden/
10.
Angela
Davis - https://www.speakoutnow.org/speakers/angela-davis
11.
Jewish
Voice for Peace (JVP) https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/
12.
bell
hooks - https://www.blackpast.org/african-american-history/hooks-bell-gloria-jean-watkins-1952/
13.
Great
Music – 94.9 The Surf - https://www.949thesurf.com/#
14.
Rashida
Tlaib - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashida_Tlaib
15.
Rashid
Khalidi - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashid_Khalidi
16.
Bayard
Rustin - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayard_Rustin
17.
Howard
Zinn - https://www.howardzinn.org/
18.
Great
Music – 94.9 The Surf - https://www.949thesurf.com/#
19.
AROC
(Oakland-San Francisco Area) https://www.araborganizing.org/
SOME
EXCELLENT BOOKS:
https://www.georgemarx.org/2019/11/paul-tough-years-that-matter-most-how.html
https://www.georgemarx.org/2023/09/the-heaven-earth-grocery-store.html
https://www.georgemarx.org/2019/06/people-power-and-profits-joseph.html
Three
Documentaries – Racism, Reproductive Justice + Palestine:
https://www.georgemarx.org/2023/10/three-magnificent-documentaries.html
I’d love to
hear from others (particularly white men).
Resources, constructive criticism, others I should know about and more
are welcome. Please note: my name is the correct part of the email
address below – with the “*’s” – to avoid spam:
m*rxgeo(at)gmail(dot)com
+
my personal
blogsite: writings/links, etc: https://www.georgemarx.org/
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