Bob - Death and Dying - Part I

 

I have a close friend Y, a few years older than me, who’s “retirement” includes moving into his (hopefully quite distant) death (in his own words).   Thinking about my own death was quite scary until a few years ago.   It still isn’t easy for me to think in such terms.   I don’t care if my body is cremated or buried.   I want my life partner, presuming she outlives me, to do what feels right for her, not for me – as I feel that my spirit will fully accept whatever path is chosen for it.  (I would note that my partner thinks that I should be the decisionmaker in this area.  I don’t want to decide).   Is this part of my denial?

Tomorrow I may see for the last time a friend who is facing his own impending death. He is preparing for entering hospice care.   He has a medical condition which has no “alternative” beyond his own death.   He may have a “choice” as to when, but not if.

Feelings come up – of course!   I feel sadness.   I had hoped to interview him, knowing that it was one way for some of his major life achievements, those that he might choose to share with others, could add to his legacy.  

This man has done some amazing things over decades of his life!  I admire him very much!   He has donated a huge quantity of materials he collected so that they can be shared with scholars and similar.  

He has offered me a “gift” that means a lot to me.  I hope to be able to accept it in small part for myself.   The larger part of the gift can help other caring men – for whom it might provide a lasting benefit.

I remember my father much differently today, than I did as a teenager, upon his death.   Thinking of others I have lost, the feelings vary from deep grief to barely and rarely thinking of them.

A big part of affirming the wonders of my recent, current, and future life involves how I begin to more seriously look at my own death as it moves closer.  I know nothing as to even vaguely it might be coming!

I make various presumptions!    I think it likely that I will outlive my brother, who is two years younger than me.  I presume that his health issues will result in his death within the coming years.  I may be 100% wrong – of course!

My challenging exercise regimen and restrictive diet is one part of my seeking to defer when I will die.   I’m writing in the very early morning, because I’ve had a challenging night sleeping because of a lingering, annoying medical issue I have, that isn’t at all directly life threatening.  In a way I’m avoiding or minimizing my own death within my body and my brain  - through what I’m doing related to these issues.

For me now, diet and exercise are life affirming and meaningful!

I look in my email, Facebook,  and on my blog at:   www(dot)wlhsmemorial(dot) org to try to determine if any of my classmates over the past 70+ years have passed away and should be added to the site.   This, dating from 2012 through the present, is another part of my journey towards my own death.

When I began this work in 2012, I thought (consciously) very little about my own death.   This has changed greatly, particularly, during the past several years.

Who am I?   What matters to me?   Thanks for listening today!