M - both a Woman (and a Man)
Late yesterday afternoon I took a journey into a world that
is different from what I am used to. It
was a world of a transsexual identity.
Initially, when I saw the seven performers, I thought that some of them
were women and some were trans women.
Gradually, I realized that not only were they all trans, but there was a
lot more trans presence because they each played a role of a woman in addition
to in reality being a woman, making fourteen trans women. (In the discussion after the play the actors
revealed some of their real identities as people. M and the other woman of color are not in
reality “women”. They are instead both
male and female; both genders and
neither).
Witnessing this play reading was very meaningful for
me! A 38 year old trans woman in the play
was my 22 year old step-child M. M
played a very significant role in the play and was brilliant in their
performance. Gradually both the
performers and the characters they were representing both became very real to
me. It was strange to feel the powerful
presence of trans women. I had never,
never previously seen more than a single trans person and often had missed
entirely that they were trans. I had
never really felt both the depth of trans women and the struggles that they
feel in being themselves.
The discussion after the performance was as illuminating as
the performance itself. These women
were and are women. Their beauty and strength
brought something very new to my consciousness. I saw and see M now in much more poignant
terms. Several of those in the audience
changed before my eyes. The thin,
beautiful woman was trans. She was as
beautiful as her original image was within me.
Today at physical therapy another therapist witnessed my
therapy. She hadn’t seen such therapy
done upon men previously. I told her
and my therapist how it felt strange to me in the context of what I had seen yesterday
though it was anatomical sex, rather than gender that was relevant then.
I can no longer be simply a man. I can no longer simply be a “normal” man.
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