Asperger's meets P.T. - guess who Wins?
My therapist was getting increasingly troubled and frustrated with my inability to do what she was asking me to do. I was supposed to do one thing, as I inhaled (breathing) for a few seconds. Alternating with that I was supposed to do another thing.
Her instructions were clear. At one point she told me that she would touch my wrist when I was supposed to do something. I could feel intensity and tension in her touch, and I tensed up and did the opposite of what she wanted. It was not deliberate at all!
She spoke to me more and more and I felt more and more over-stimulated. She is from the Northeast and comes across to me very strongly with an intense voice. In most situations that is fine! I appreciate her directness.
When, however, I felt stressed, as I felt trying to do the right thing in my therapy in these moments, my body tightened up and I was doing worse and worse at what I was trying with the biofeedback she was doing with me.
My therapist was really trying to work with me. She offered to stop for a minute or so, each time I told her I was overstimulated. I tried somewhat fruitlessly, to explain how that wouldn't solve my issue. I did honestly say to her that it was unfair for her. I told her that simply her being herself in this situation was problematic for me.
I tried to explain a little more, but she didn't have the time or inclination to listen to my words.
If, I had had the chance, I would have told her that I needed her to speak more slowly to me, allowing me more time to take in her words. I knew then what I needed to try to do. Getting my body to do it was harder than resolving it in my head.
We will try to work on some other areas next week. I hope that I will not fail. She hopes that things will work out, because she feels like it will be a failure of hers if I fail.
I'm sad about this situation. There is no "bad guy" here. Perhaps, she can understand. Perhaps if she can understand, we can work more effectively together when such a situation may come up again.
Aspergers-Autism is not a disability! It makes me different from the norm in ways that complicate parts of my life.