It is Hard to Feel Hope

It is hard to feel Hope

When trying to share my feelings and thoughts

-

Brings:

Either:

Extreme Anger –

thrown at Me

or

Silence

It is hard to feel Hope

When your words to me

Repeatedly

give me a Message

That

I hear saying

You are Wrong,

Simply Wrong

including:

That

You differ from the norm

That ALL my good friends share

with me

Implying

that my being Different

is Deviant, Immature, and Impossible

to live with

I am told

That-

I am Negative, Unaccepting

and

Asking

for More, More, More

It is True

that

I ask for some things

inFrequently

Focusing

upon

Things

That feel foreign, alien, difficult

for You

It is only

Occasionally

that

Things are That Important

to me,

Otherwise,

I remain silent,

Not wishing

To Rock the Boat

It is Obvious

that

I have wounded you

Deeply
-
I Wish

- 

That

I had Not

been Blind

for

So Long.
-
I am trying,

-

but

Perhaps

Either

It is Too Late

or

It was Never

Meant

to be

I don’t Know!

I have been blessed

with

A Brilliant Teacher

A Loving, Caring Person

You

Who has taught me

So, So Much

but

I fear

That All

That there is for You

is

The Deep Wound

I can - not help
Heal.
-
I am Sorry

-

for

All

The Betrayal and Other Hurt

I have (foolishly and immaturely) given.
-
I took Much Too Long

to

Begin

Waking up.
-
I am Sad!

-

My Grief

I can finally Feel

in its

Nearly Full Depth.
-
I am also Aware

that

Most Recently

I have Given,
I have Been Present
I have done my Best.

-

It seems,

that

at least

I Fear

That

It is Over

I Hope

that

I am Wrong.
-
You are

-

A Beautiful Person

who Deserves

Fulfillment, Happiness
and Love.

-

I do Believe

That

I Really Love You

but

Perhaps

It is Only

a Mirage
-  -
    It is Hard to Feel Hope
    But I (still do)
            x

..

-