XI - Much Better - Sadness, Grief, and Pain

Fully feeling my sadness and grief, as well as taking in and experiencing deeply my pain(s) – provides significant meaning in my life.   When it is “too much” – I do need to let up and move out of “survival mode” – get beyond it – back into my growth.

Kidney stones – initially – tore me apart – making me feel almost like death was near.  After I was admitted to the hospital, the pain lessoned.   I then had the time to experience – the pain.   Letting go – slowly being – in the moments – was very, very different – from how I had lived most of my prior life.

I was in a hurry – most of the time – rushing along – ignoring the painful realities of being who I was.   I didn’t care for myself – I was disconnected from my heart.   Being lost in my brains – I couldn’t experience my feelings – I couldn’t experience who I really am.

To be present – isn’t easy for many people!   Most of us learn – in various ways – to stay away from the depths of who we really are.

Beginning the journey into myself is important for me!   It is a process – not something I will every get to.   It has meaning – it is challenging, but not difficult.

I am watching Monster’s Ball now – the tears are beginning.  Crying – is important now – coming at various times.   Tears can come from pain, and from joy.

I no longer want to escape – escaping is no longer desirable or necessary.

Drowning in emotion – isn’t helpful.   Being overwhelmed in grief doesn’t help me.

I’m not overwhelmed, except in rare moments.   It isn’t easy, but it is my path.   I Do make mistakes.  I hope that they are smaller than the mistakes of my earlier life.

I’m no hero.  I am a good man.

Learning through my heart – is most helpful – and often incredible!

I have a long way to go!

Being on empty – stuck – for much of 67 ½ years didn’t help!

I’m grateful!

I’m lucky!





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