Within the past few days I have learned that I am almost certainly on The Autism (formerly Asperger’s) Spectrum. At first it was shocking and scary, despite my having known that I was “different” for most of my life.
A good definition clarifying us is:
1. I find social situations confusing,
2. I find it hard to make small talk,
3. I did not enjoy imaginary story-writing at school,
4. I am good at picking up details and facts,
5. I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling,
6. I can focus on certain things for very long periods,
7. People often say I was rude even when this was not intended,
8. I have unusually strong, narrow interests,
9. I do certain things in an inflexible, repetitive way.
10. I have always had difficulty making friends,
(Simon Baron-Cohen, as quoted by Ashley Stanford in “Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships”, First Edition, p,30.)
At least nine of the 10 criteria fit me perfectly, and the tenth one is certainly at least partially on target.
It has been stated that there are about 10 of us men, for every women. Presuming that that is true, a lot of us are likely to complicate the lives of women, who innocently fall in love with us. I “passed” for 68 ½ years before I realized last week that I’m “neuro-divergent” or an “AS” (autism spectrum?) in contrast to my partner, and most others that I know.
It is both scary and exciting. I have a lot to learn! While it is painful to realize I am “different” from the image I had of myself up until a week ago, it is also an opportunity for me.
I can learn ways of trying not to alienate my partner and others as much, though I will always be “a pain”. It is hard though! I can not listen to you say: “yes”, when you really mean “no”, and read your non-verbal cues accurately.
I can also learn to love myself in a deep way for the first time in my life.
I can also appreciate some of the gifts I have. I am good at “snooping” on the internet and tracking down people. I use that skill to help others most of the time. When I “hear” a person really deeply, I hear a lot and can experience them in what sometimes is a unique way. While others may not perceive that I even have feelings, I can feel in deep ways, though I rarely can communicate what I am feeling to others.
It is good to finally “be out”! Thank you! I hope that my work, my insights and my growth will help me in future relationships with others around me.
Popular posts from this blog
A Primer for Today and Tomorrow It is most important that we do all that we can to help depolarize the divide and actively confront the serious threats that we face. INTRODUCTION My world is both very complex, and really simple underneath its layers. I see: powerful elites (primarily wealthy, white, Christian, heterosexual men) using racism, sexism, classism, and homo/lesbian/trans phobias systemically to manipulate and control most other people. an immediate critically important clash between two strongly opposed world views. a serious danger of a right-wing takeover of power which could easily happen as soon as this year. It is not crazy at all (for me) to fear a Fascist State where: My wife being Black could be in danger because she is Black and not invisible, My Black, gender-fluid step-child — could become another “statistic” — in a world where their life expectancy already is only 36, Me being Jewish,
Cristal R Nell JULY 7, 1978 – JULY 24, 2020 RIP Cristal Nell by Joshua Donn July 25 This is the most gut wrenching thing I have ever had to write. Yesterday morning, Cristal Nell died at her home in Seattle, WA. She had just turned 42 years old and leaves behind a 13 year old son and 10 year old daughter, who are currently with their father. This was completely unexpected and is a huge shock to everyone. First, bridge. She was a very talented and intuitive player. I met her at the table in 2011 when she did something rather brilliant against me, and I knew I had to get to know this person. She was an NABC champion, winning the Rockwell Mixed Pairs in 2017 partnering Igor Savchenko. I had some occasions to play with her in regional pair games and she was solid as a rock. Cristal was extremely enthusiastic about bridge, attending almost every NABC and occasional USBF trial events as well. But more importantly, here are some personal details. She was a devote
Wed, September 1, 2021, 5:47 AM · 3 min read Washington — A controversial Texas law banning abortions after six weeks of pregnancy went into effect at midnight after the U.S. Supreme Court didn't issue a ruling on it. A group of pro-abortion rights groups and providers had asked the high court on Monday to block it. The law is one of the nation's most restrictive, prohibiting nearly all abortions in the state, the abortion rights groups warned. In addition to outlawing abortion as early as six weeks into a pregnancy, the measure allows private citizens to bring civil lawsuits against anyone who provides an abortion after six weeks or helps a woman access the procedure, such as a friend who drives a woman to obtain an abortion, or clinic staff. Those found in violation of the law are required to pay at least $10,000 to the person who successfully brought the suit. -- Close to a month ago, I reached out to roughly 40-60 other white men, calling upon at least one to help me c